The First Lie

No one is going to know...

Halfway into my 20x400 speed drills, the thought entered my mind.  It was in the back of my mind as I finished the 8th 400m loop, and so my 9th loop had become slower.  My initial goal was to keep each 400m loop at under 1:20, which would be a sub 5:20 mile pace, and it would be very challenging.  After focusing on the 24 hour races, I lost a good bit of speed and needed to catch up with one of my Cross Country runners before October.

After each 400m lap, I would take a break to get back to about 90% as I was working on my top speed, and then go again.  At first, it was a little bit uncomfortable, but definitely doable, but after the second mile was over, my legs felt a little harder, and mentally, I wasn't feeling that good.

Then the voice came into my head.  

No one is going to know if I stop now.  I'd still get a good workout from just getting in 10 laps.  It's good enough.

The greatest discourager, the greatest enemy is usually ourselves, and at this time, I was convincing myself that what I had done was good enough... which was actually true.  Doing the 10 laps will make me faster, and technically, it was good enough.  After a 3 mile warm up and 2.5 miles of speed drills, it was good enough... 

At that moment, I was at a crossroad.  I could choose the easy way out, get some of the benefits and get out feeling pretty good about the workout... or I could choose to continue on and push myself hard and get myself to a point of near exhaustion.

We often come to the crossroads when things get tough.  Good enough is the enemy of greatness, and most people are okay with being good enough.

But there was one problem.  It started with a lie.  Somebody does know if I stopped halfway.  I would know.  If I accept my current status and walk through the door of 'good enough,' I would become a good enough runner, a good enough person.  However, my standards are different.  I know I can be good enough.  I know that it is easy to be good enough, or to be pretty good, but I also know that my goal isn't to become good enough, but to be the best I can be, and in stopping half way, I let that go.

The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching.

-John Wooden

I don't wake up every morning ready to go pound out miles.  I don't go to every speed drill ready to take on the world.  I don't have anyone around me that forces me to do these things, to encourage me to push on... and it gets tough.  I know the workouts will be grueling, and nobody really WANTS to be exhausted... but I WANTED to become better, to become the best, and that meant that I needed to overcome the thoughts in my head and push forward.

After the thought came into my head, I shook that away.  I decided to raise the bar, raise my standard.  Instead of going for a sub 1:20, I would go for a sub 1:15, pushing a sub 5:00 mile for the last 2.5 miles.  I pushed on, I tired, but I thrived at every lap, pushing my limits aside and creating new ones.  I pushed hard, and as the laps I had to do went down, I became faster and faster, finishing the last 400m at a 1:08.  My legs were shot, and I was tired... but I was also satisfied.  I had battled my inner demons and won.  The 3 mile cooldown was nothing because I didn't have to run fast.

I'm a fighter, and though I may not win every fight, I will continue to struggle as I progress.  There will be mental walls, physical walls, emotional walls... but as long as I continue to struggle, I come closer to achieving my goal... as long as I don't give up on myself, there will always be that chance that I can make it to the end.

Today, I pushed aside the lie as I pushed myself.  I finished the 20x400 with an average of 1:14, a big step closer.  As I win these battles, I solidify my character, as I solidify my character, I become stronger, and as I become stronger, I come closer to achieving my goal.

Keep your heart in the game and your eyes on the prize.

-Nathania Gutierrez

Am I Useless?

"I don't feel like I should come back here anymore, I just feel like I'm so useless.  I can't do anything, and I don't want to be a burden to anyone..."

A lonely older lady sat crying at the foyer, explaining to the greeter and I about how she no longer felt that she could do anything to help aid the church.  She felt that though her heart was there, her body could not keep up and so she felt she could not do anything.

Sometimes, life hits you hard.  It slams you down and you feel that nothing you could do you begin to doubt yourself.  You feel that any action you do is worthless.  You become... useless.

My heart went out to this lady and the greeter and I both hugged her as we talked and listened to what she had to say.  It was really sad for me to hear that she was so willing to do so many things yet she felt shackled and unable to do so much.  She wanted a way to go out and be a part of the congregation and do something... but her own body prevented her from being able to take hold of that...

Some races, I hit a wall and I can't overcome it.  The last race, I was in so much stomach pain that I could not make the full 12 hours and had to drop down to a 6 hour race, and that hurt a lot.  I felt useless, all that hard work... worthless.

If the moment we find our purpose is the moment we start living, then the moment we lose our purpose... it must be the moment we start dying.  When something happens which causes us to lose our purpose, we begin to feel useless.  What we once did is no longer important, and what we can do now is meaningless.

Doubt can be good when one overcomes it, but when it overcomes you, your burden becomes massive.  When you see that all your efforts are in vain, that what you do will not bear fruit, the hope seeps out and you're down.  You feel as if nothing can bring you up.

But there is hope.

The greeter and I and a few more people came together to lift her up.  We encouraged, we motivated.  We smiled and we hugged.  Her eyes, once wet with tears now were sparkling as her face was smiling.

It's the people around you that God provides that lifts you up when you're down.

A friend is what the heart needs all the time.

-Henry Van Dyke

Usually, in the morning, I am leading Sunday School, but this morning, there just happened to be no teenagers and so I sat and talked with the greeter and this responsibility came up... There is no such thing as coincidence or fate.  Just blessings.

We are meant to be a blessing to those around us.  A light in the darkness, a helping hand in times of need.  We look to help those in need, and be there for them.

Whether it be a race or life, it's the people you let lift you up that gives you the strength to find that hope... and with hope comes faith, and faith, belief, and belief... life.

I talked to her about how she felt and asked her if there was anything she could do, and to that she replied, "Prayer."  Her heart was in the right place, her beliefs were in the right place.  Despite what was going on, she still loved everyone and had a heart for those around her.

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

-I Peter 4:8

Love truly gives meaning, and when there is a family that gives love and continues that, and as Charles Dickens says, "no one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it to anyone else."  The path she chose right now is to pray, to give her heart, to share her story, and though it may not have been the path she originally was on, for now, she's decided to walk this path and live.

Failure

One of the worst experiences an individual can have is failure.

It can come in many forms... from break ups to races, broken promises to broken dreams.

The more you invest in something, the more it hurts.  This goes with people you've let into your lives, the races you choose to run, the promises you may have made with someone else, or the dreams that now seem impossible.  It hurts because you gave so much time, so much energy, so much... everything, and it seemed like nothing came out of it.

Imagine a relationship you were pursuing.  Day after day, you would do your best, caring about the other person, helping the other person in need, sacrificing as much as you can for the other individual, getting closer and closer to the other.  Investing your time, investing... your life so that the other person can be happy.  At one point, you feel as if the hard work is paying off and you're a lot closer with girl you're pursuing and you're spurred to continue on and go after her to only be let down in a single day... it only takes a single day for her to decide that you weren't the individual she was looking for...  All that hard work, everything you invested in her... gone...

Or perhaps it was a race you were running, one that you've trained for so fervently, pushing hard day after day, night after night, making sure that you were in the best shape of your life.  You put in hours upon hours each day to mold yourself into the person you desired to be, an individual that would be able to win this race!  You come to the race as prepared as you can be and all of a sudden, in the first mile, you twist your ankle.  You can't go onward... All that effort, all that training, your hopes... crushed...

That's how I feel sometimes, when things like that happen... crushed.  I put in so much work, it appeared that the direction I was going was the right way... but somehow, I failed.

and because I failed, now I feel like a failure...

But it doesn't have to end that way.

It doesn't mean that I'm a failure.

Though my heart may be in pain, my mind struggles to bring the body back up and force it to submit and understand that there will be another girl.  There will be another race.  There will be another chance.  A time for you to rise.  It doesn't have to end this way.

But sometimes, I feel like giving up.  In the moment, I'm asking myself, "What's the use of trying if I'm going to end up failing again?"  Why should I invest in something that probably will not bear any fruit?

When something you invested in ends up failing, you want to give up.  You don't want to try anymore.  You don't want to trust yourself, or anyone else anymore...

But there's a part of you that still has hope.

In the moment, hopelessness and despair may surround you, but within, there is always that 'hope'.  It's what keeps us moving onward, despite the events that may have crushed our spirit.  So now, I must reach for that hope, and hold desperately onto it.

As I cling, I feel a little better.  Just a little bit.

I hold on because maybe, just maybe, I can rise back up again.  Maybe... I might be able to succeed in round 2, or whatever round it is.  Maybe, just maybe...

So though you may feel like you're on the ground...  you may have invested too much into something that brought you to your knees... have faith.

"I will try one hundred times to get up, and if I fail one hundred time.  If I fail and I give up, will I ever get up?  No!  If I fail I'll try again, and again and again.  But I want to tell you it's not the end."

-Nick Vujicic

So knowing that, I know it's not the end.  My heart will have to take time to heal, but I will continue on.  For after hope comes faith, and with faith action, and with action, another opportunity will arise.

The Most Important Thing

I've been having a tough time sleeping today because there's a lot going on in my mind.  A friend of mine recently lost her sister, who left behind a husband and three children.  Meanwhile, up until I learned what had happened, I was selfishly complaining about my life problems.  The thing is, when I heard what had happened, everything changed.  Death changes things.  It changes what was once important to something so trivial, and makes something once so trivial into something important.

No one on his deathbed ever said, I wish I had spent more time on my business.

-Paul Tsongas

I've seen parents let their children suffer without knowing because they spend so much time trying to provide a good place for them, they don't build a proper relationship with them.  I've seen husbands wasting their lives on video games and neglect their wives.  I've seen girlfriends work hard towards their personal goals, that it drives a wedge between them and their boyfriends, and they don't know why...

I'm not saying providing for a family is a bad thing. I'm not saying that video games are an abomination.  I'm not saying that working towards your personal goals is a lousy choice.

What I'm saying is that there's more to life than that.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength  The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.  There is no commandment greater than these.

-Mark 12:30-31

Nowhere in the Bible does it say to love God, follow your passion, THEN love your neighbor.  It says simply to love God, and then love your neighbor.

Simply put, our lives are all about relationships.  Everything else comes after that.  Looking back through history, it's evident that we have always lived in a community.  Sure, here and there, there will be the occasional hermits, but the majority of the human race have lived TOGETHER.

Yet in society now, we have found various ways to pull ourselves apart, creating a gap in our hearts.  When a gap occurs, our natural reaction is to fill it... with what?  Whatever we can get our hands on!  Sometimes, society tells us to follow our dreams and that will fill your heart!  Perhaps it's a sport or hobby!  It could be a game!  Maybe it's about self development instead!

And we miss our very own purpose.

We choose to elevate ourselves and find a place where we can belong, and in doing so we push away the very people that we could impact.  We choose to follow a dream where we accomplish many things, and when we arrive at the top, we find it very lonesome.

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others.  And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them.

-Dalai Lama

We are all born with a selfish tendency, thinking about what we can do to serve ourselves, and in serving ourselves, we turn a blind eye to others, and end up hurting them.  I've seen other people in pain because they have opened their hearts to another but after doing so get hurt because the other individual prioritized something else over their relationship... but the same individual who was hurt would also accidentally hurt another because of another similar situation.

We live in a world where we prioritize ourselves over others, and in doing that, we end up hurting those around us... and showing those around us that that is the way of the world.

So it's time we change that.  It's time we understand that we must not look at the fault that may lie in another, but instead, look within.  Look at ourselves.

I've often looked outward at how I feel people have treated me, and in focusing on the fault of others, I've found that I've begun to ignore my own faults (Matthew 7:3 anyone?).  Here am I complaining about how another person has hurt my feelings... only to realize that I too am at fault with another.

So we must start from within.

Oftentimes, I have told my Cross Country runners that running is not the most important thing to me.  I continue and tell them that running is merely my tool to share with others and to encourage others... that the most important thing in my life is my relationships with the people around me.

Some of you may understand the amount of training it takes to get to the point of running 100 miles in the mountains... but if you don't... it's a lot of training.  Haha.  It takes a lot of commitment and a lot of discipline to get to that point.  Running a few thousand miles, it takes up a lot of your time.  So one time when I was training for Leadville 100, 3 weeks before the race, I learned that my father had a stroke.  I didn't hesitate at all, bought a plane ticket, flew down to Japan, did not run at all for a whole month and spent day after day in the hospital.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what was truly important to me.  It was my father.

Don't let life blind you with what you may perceive as important.  Don't find out too late, like a few do, when you realize the importance of something after it's gone.  Life isn't about you.  The most important thing is living out your purpose, glorifying God and building a relationship with Him, and with the people around you.

Trust

It takes a lot of effort to create a ceramic masterpiece.  The time it takes to create such a beauty is tremendous, especially if you have to consider the training the ceramist had to undergo in order to get to the level of calling it a masterpiece.  However, sometimes, accidents happen where the ceramics get broken, instantly causing what was once costly into a bunch of worthless little pieces.

The same goes for trust.  As we take time with one another to build that relationship and trust, it takes a whole lot of effort to assemble that magnificent amount of trust... but once that trust breaks down, we are back to square one, and this time, it becomes a lot harder to move forward.  We can't find that strength to continue... what was once a great and beautiful thing is now gone, and we're not sure we can put the pieces back together again to what it once was before.

Sometimes, when I have a bad race, I feel like that.  I feel like all that hard work was for naught, and that I completely wasted my time with my training.  I trusted in the training and then something came along and pulled the rug out from under me.  All that effort, gone.

Building up from such a mental breakdown is hard... but it comes down on what you truly trust.  If you trust that what you did, the training that you put yourself in, you can bring it back up, you can use the remnants from the training and build yourself into an even stronger character.  The result... an even faster runner than I was before the race.  The thing is, despite the things that may happen to bring you down, the training you've entrusted yourself into, the meaning behind the training still holds certainty, and you can create something even better from it.

In our relationships, we may lose the trust we once had, but when we get down to the bare bones of the situation, you still can find a way to repair even the most difficult situations.  Sometimes, it takes another friend to help you see the way, sometimes, divine intervention where you suddenly feel at peace on the situation when God's blessed you that tranquility you needed to put the pieces back together.

In Japan, when a beautiful ceramic is broken, it can go through a process called kintsugi, where the broken ceramic is pieced together and glued together with a beautiful gold resin, forming an even more beautiful piece of work.

Ceramics can be rebuilt... so can trust.  Trust in the fundamentals, the basics, and form an even more beautiful piece, and treasure it.  Don't let go, because what you may think is irreparable can turn into something much more beautiful, and the dirty cracks may transform into the highlight.

Leveling up

There are five main plot components that takes place in a novel.  The introduction, the rising action, the climax, the falling action, and the conclusion.  The protagonist will have to begin the story  at a certain point with certain characteristics, but throughout the duration of the plot, the character develops, allowing what was once a hopeless situation to transform into something hopeful.  The problem itself does not change... in fact, usually, as the story goes, the problem evolves into something bigger, but in order to handle the situation, the protagonist undergoes some growth which allows him or her to overcome the obstacle, and thus change the flow of the story, bringing it to the conclusion.

In the same way, we have problems which enters our lives.  In order to continue living our lives fully, it's important that we take care of the problem.... but what happens when we are a level 3 person that meets up with a level 5 problem?  To us, the problem is monstrous and too much to handle.  We can't control the situation as now the situation is bigger than us, and therefore can't move on... we're stuck.

In moments like this, we feel powerless as we aren't capable of handling the circumstances we're in, and we're overwhelmed as the dilemma is more than we can take.  What can we do to get through this crisis?

As we know that we are incapable of handling such a problem, it becomes evident that we need help from someone that can handle the situation, at least a level 5 person in that scenario.  Having people in our lives that we can learn from is vital because in order to get through life, it's vital that we grow.  If we're incapable of running a 100 mile race, the only way to change that is through training and self development.  In the same way, should we face a problem that is larger than ourselves, it is important that we grow so that the problems that are in our lives become something trivial.  Every day ought to be a day where you grow, where you can proceed in a proper direction, a path where you mature into an individual able to handle anything life throws at your way.

There will be people that can help you, books that can guide you, videos you can learn from.  However, most importantly, it is critical that you yourself must have the desire to advance in the direction necessary to not just survive any hardships, but thrive and become even stronger through those events.

Sinister 7: 100 Mile Trail Race

It was Saturday morning at 7:00 when hundreds of runners began their epic journey in the mountains of the Canadian Rockies.  You could sign up and make a team of 7, or perhaps dare to be a soloist, running the 18,000+ feet of elevation gain as you run through 100 miles of the beauty that Crowsnest Pass has to offer.  The choice was obvious for me.  I'm runnin' solo.  So I trained hard for this race, and prepared myself for the various obstacles that would be in my way.  The 100 miles weren't the problem, it was the diversity of variables throughout the course that would hinder my progress.  The dry heat that Alberta offered, the cold nights that would definitely freeze me up, the mountains that would bring most people down to their knees.  I learned after I came here for the race that this was THE hardest 100 mile race that Canada offered, and it also served as the Canadian 100 Mile Championships!  There would be a lot of people, and this was going to be one intense race...

In preparation for this race, I needed the proper preparation.  The training I went through was pretty intense, but more important was the plan for the race.  The race was divided into 7 legs, and each leg had their own unique blend of distance, elevation change, temperature, and trails.  I looked through the previous year's team relay (180 teams), found the most average time for each leg, and after adding them all up to get the most average time for the whole race, gathered the mile average for each leg, including the total.  With that information, I was able to use the numbers to correlate what splits I would need to get in order to get the certain time that I wanted, if I were to run a perfectly paced race.  I had my A goal of 17:30, B goal of 20:00, and C goal of 24:00.  Though the terrain would be tough, I believed that with the training, I would be able to run smart and get through the race on top of things.  The plan was to run only a mile (unless it was uphill) and walk for 40-60 seconds after each mile to prevent myself from pushing too hard and continue in this fashion all the way to the end of the race.  Simple right?  I would be able to gauge what pace I was running at and hope that I was calculating everything correctly and taking care of myself during the race.

GEAR:
4 pairs of Asics Gel Lyte 33 3's
2 pairs of Injinji socks
KT tape to wrap my arches and knees
Underarmour shorts
My favorite pair of running shorts
Various performance shirts
Asics running gloves
Heavy duty gloves (for the night)
White bandana
2 Ultimate Direction AK 2.0 with a 2L bladder
Petzl NAO Headlamp

HYDRATION/NUTRITION:
Each leg that was close to a 10 mile jaunt, I would fill the bladder with 1L of water and 2 nuun tablets, each leg that was closer to a 20 mile jaunt, I would fill the bladder with 2 L of water and 4 nuun tablets.  Every quarter of a mile, I would drink a sip, and continue on.  Every hour, I would take in 2 salt capsules (Hammer Endurolyte Extreme), and one Clif Bar Gel Shot (Chocolate).  I planned on eating solid foods at the end of each leg, and also drink coke.

But anyway, here's what happened in the 7 legs of the race!

Leg 1: 10.25 miles

A few minutes before the race began, Majo mentioned to me that it would be best to start up front so I wouldn't get stuck in the bottleneck by everyone, so I promptly began at the front of the pack, lining up as the countdown went, and ran with the elite runners of Canada for a few miles.  The beginning of the course was mainly road, and after running an easy pace for the first 2 miles, I was far out ahead so that I could start doing my mile run with a 40 second walk.  I chatted with Dave, Majo, and Eric, but after a while, I let them go ahead so I could run my race.  After the paved road turned into a gravel road and became a little steep, I walked a good bit, as I had banked enough time to afford to do that.  Then, the gravel road became trail, and part of it became rough, that I was a little bit worried that my pace would be off... but didn't worry that much, as I still had miles upon miles left til I reached the finish line, and so I kept on going.  Knowing that 100 mile trail races are out of my comfort zone, running at this pace was soothing, and so I kept it up, and before I knew it, I hit the first transition station less than a minute off my A goal! 1:27:49.6, and with that surprise, I was mentally unprepared for the transition that I forgot to drink a cup of coke!  Still, I was able to get a drink of water and switch packs and continue on to my journey.

Leg 2:  9.94 miles

The compared to the first leg, I knew this second leg was going to be harder, and that I needed to prepare myself for a hill, and up we went!  The elevation gain was about twice that of the first leg and most of it was at the very beginning of the trail, so I walked most of the way up to save my energy, running in places where it sloped down.  A good number of people passed me as the relay teams were fresh, but I didn't let that bother me.  I kept on running my race, and to my surprise, as I was going up, I met up with Majo, who was one of the top runners of Canada!  I chatted with him and he told me that the guys up ahead were all battling it out 5 minutes ahead of him and he would rather run his race and be smart than fight it out and burn out.  Pretty happy that he and I had the same mindset, I continued on my trek, going up, and at the top came to a spectacular view!  I wished I had taken more pictures than I did, but anyway, the experience was amazing, and as I flew down the course, I enjoyed the scenery, and just cruised.  Every once in a while, the trail would go back up, but it mainly was a downhill run, and passing a few people, I relished the journey.  After going down from the top for a good ways, the larger trail turned to a single track, and was once again hidden in the bushes and grass just growing , which made it rather difficult to push hard, and at the same time, it became extremely steep!  Afraid that I would slip and fall, I tried to slow down, but it was a tough situation.  In the final miles of the race, I met an individual that ran out of food, but unfortunately, I couldn't give him an extra gel as I had only enough to last me through the leg... hindsight, should have brought emergency food just in case.  As I got down close to the end of the leg, the course was somewhat marked but a little confusing and after I crossed the bridge, the person there said to go past the trees and turn left.  I thought he meant more than the two trees that were in front of me, but apparently, that was all he meant, so I did a little backtrack to get back to where I needed to be, following a guy that had passed me in the mixup.  He continued on the path and then the trail split and I think he may have missed a trail mark and turned right, and I followed him.  A lady from her backyard seeing that we went the wrong way, luckily yelled at us and got us to turn around after 20 seconds of running the wrong direction, and so we turned around, and came back, finally getting out of that area, back to the course, and a few minutes after that, arrived at our next transition station... and even with all that mixup, I still was able to finish under my A goal with 1:56:10.2!

Leg 3:  21.75 miles

This time, I remembered to drink coke and ate a little bit of food, as the next leg of the race would be a long one, so I prepped myself and changed shoes, ready to bang out another twenty miler, hoping to finish in a good clip.  Dennene had told me that leg 3 was one of the harder legs because of how it was exposed and the sun would beat down on the runners mercilessly, and so I prepared myself for this, bringing with me 2L (70oz) of nuun water.  The plan was to run at a faster pace than the previous leg because there was a lot more straight aways, so mentally I was prepared to work a little bit harder during this portion, so I could start working to maintain that A goal, and so I didn't let the climb at the beginning bother me.  I went up as I always did, walking most of the way, not caring that people would pass me, drinking out of my pack every quarter of a mile so I wouldn't get dehydrated, but as the pace was a lot slower, I didn't realize that I was actually starting to dehydrate myself, but kept on believing that I was doing the right thing, and kept on walking up the mountain, hoping to hurry and get to the other side.... and once I did, there were a few little (extreme) rolling hills, but it gradually went to a long stretch.  At the rolling hills, I passed a guy that was just laying down, and he was not looking too good, so asking if he was okay, he told me he was going to drop after this leg... it didn't look too good for him, and he ushered me to continue on, and so I did, and went by a creek crossing, where I cooled my legs a bit, and continued on.  After the road went to a longer downhill stretch, he just passed me, and just charged on ahead with renewed energy, and letting him go with that, I took a couple pics of the beautiful mountains and continued on, to meet up with him at another creek crossing, where he had submerged himself and cooled his body down.  Seeing that great idea, I squatted down also, as my calves and quads had started to ache a little, and cooled them off.  I also got my bandana and swabbed myself with the cool mountain water for a bit, and then kept on truckin'.  Turning left into some trails that were climbing up the hill/mountain, I continued on and
made sure to just keep doing what I was doing.  I passed by the first check point of this leg, feeling pretty good, ate a handful of nuts, and went off without filling my bladder, because hey, I knew I was going to make the second checkpoint easily with this much hydration on me, but that was almost a bad decision.  I continued on but with the sun beating down on me, I started to notice that because this was a dry heat, I wasn't able to see the sweat coming out of me, and I was actually starting to heat up.  Fortunately, I caught myself being thirstier and drinking more than usual, making me realize that my internal temperature was going up, so immediately, I started drinking more often, taking in as much fluid as I could in order to prevent myself from getting a heat stroke.  At the first creek crossing I came to, I took off my shirt, dunked it in the water, and put it back on, immediately helping me feel so much cooler.  I also dunked my bandana in the water and cooled the back of my head, my armpits, and squeezed the water all over my body to ensure that I had not gone too far.  Although I caught it before it got bad, it did not stop me from feeling slightly nauseated, as I was in fact running out of water as my body was overheating.  I continued on in this fashion every time I crossed a creek, and slowly made my way up to the second check point, where I immediately refilled my bladder and ate a few pieces of watermelon, drinking a little more water.  Fortunately, I caught it before it became any worse, but the problem was that I was still slightly dehydrated, so I needed to move slower.  There was still a little more climbing I had to do, so after the checkpoint, I continued on, and as we went through the long descent and straightaways, I ran a little conservatively, as I knew it wouldn't help me the least bit if I continued at the pace I wanted to go.  I was still dehydrated and hot and the liquid I was putting in me was also not helping me as much as it could, so I attempted to play it safe.
Continuing on my path, I was able to move at a decent pace, but definitely slower than planned.  It was okay, I still had a lot of miles to cover til the end.  As I came across the next check point, I was met with children with water guns, and so I went up there to get shot in the face, to let the kids have some fun with target practice.  At that station, I got myself a good bit of ice cold water, which definitely saved me, and I walked out feeling refreshed.  I continued at that slower pace, still wanting to go fast, but pulling on the reins to make sure I could last the full race, even though I really wanted to push harder.  As I went back to the rolling hills to go back down to the transition area, I started to pick up a little speed and caught up to a couple relay runners, but unfortunately, it was short lived, as I was still recovering.  My toes cramped up as I was headed downhill and I needed to do my super-Sho-style steep downhill tactic, which was basically sliding down backwards on all fours, and managed to save my quads from further damage.  I slowly made it down to the TA, where I arrived in 4:14:31.5, right under my B goal.  Still good considering the dehydration... but trouble was right around the corner.

Leg 4:  10.56 miles

Thinking that I had finished rehydrating myself, I continued on my journey after snacking on a few sandwiches and bananas, and started the climb up the ski slope... but oh my goodness, my calves started cramping and I was not doing well.  I hobbled up and attempted to run the easy parts, but my body wouldn't listen to what my head wanted, and so I took salt pills, ate a gel and decided that this leg was also going to be a sacrificial leg, so that I would be able to get back... but greed took over and patience lost the battle and I took every opportunity to push ahead, not helping myself, and in return, consumed too much water because I was still dehydrated, and at that point, not doing well at all.  I managed to meet up with a female relay runner and walked and talked with her for a bit as she needed a break going up some of the climbs and we managed to get to the checkpoint.  At the CP, I thought I filled my bladder with water, but to my horror, within 30 minutes of walking, I discovered that I had run out of water, and could not go back to running!  Keeping myself calm, I decided once again that I would walk and just give myself a much needed break, letting this leg go so that I could make a comeback and run the rest of the race well.  It didn't look good for me as I started to get thirsty.  At one point, a runner gave me a swig of their water and another, Jay, who I met a few nights earlier, allowed me a good gulp to help me stay alive, and so I kept on walking, growing impatient and slightly dehydrated... and then the rains came.  I figured I was a few miles out, I could just get through this by running the rest of the way, and then rehydrating and replenishing my foods at the TA and take a break the first 3 miles on leg 5, so away I went, jogging for a bit, and then that jogging turned into a run, and then I found I was going at a decent clip all the way to the TA, finishing that leg in 3:01:52.3, which was 9 minutes slower than my C goal.

Leg 5:  18.39 miles

By this time, the once sunny and hot day turned into a nasty cold and wet weather, and it was really gloomy.  Majo had caught up to me at the TA and I saw that he wasn't doing too well at that point too, and so we exchanged encouragements, and I went about on my way, walking with my headlamp on, listening to music to get my mind off of the race and instead on recovery.  At the start, Taylor Spike passed me and as I encouraged him, he stopped for a moment and told me that apparently, we were still top ten, which surprised me!  That automatically tempted me to get to running right away, but I urged him onward and told him after a few miles I would catch up, and so he went off.  Jay came by soon after with his smile and encouraging words went on his way.  For a little bit, I decided that I wanted to run to catch up to them, but after a minute of running, decided that the walk would be definitely worthwhile, so I continued down the road and onto a rocky/gravel trail til a relay person came and I decided to just tag along and use him to encourage me to continue on a run.  By then, we had ventured off and came to a few muddy areas, and the course had become a lot harder, and so I let him go ahead, and at the CP ate a bit and continued on, walking up the dreaded incline.  No sooner had I entered the forest when I came across mud pits, mud slides, mud baths, mud mud mud, and I just slowed down immensely because I just could not handle mud (a big psychological blow), and I ventured through, and at one point, I slipped and landed in a mud pit, which came up to my knee!  I was worried that my shoe would get stuck, but fortunately, I came out alright (muddy), and continued on.  As the trail started it's downward trend, I ran a little quick and managed to find out that I had recovered enough during the uphill climb to begin my attack again.  I stopped worrying about running around puddles and ran right through them, not caring about where I was stepping as long as I was running towards my goal the fastest way possible, and away I went.  I soon passed a few runners that had gotten ahead of me, and met up with Taylor again, and he and I 'battled' each other as we pushed on through leg 5, and saw his crazy downhill run that I would never try to attempt, as it was a little too reckless for me.  We continued onward, passing through the checkpoint, and then that random zombie figurine (that later people thought was a bear) and continued our progression towards the end of the leg.  Towards the end, Taylor seemed to be done as I continued to the TA, where I arrived and to my horror, my support crew wasn't there!!  I had a little mini-panic attack, but after talking with Jay and Majo (who passed me after the last CP) who was still there with their crew, I just got back to my laid back self and just enjoyed the break, getting myself ready to make the attack on leg 6... where I would either make or break, and I was ready to make it.

Leg 6:  22.49 miles

Fortunately, I only waited for 3-5 minutes for the crew to show up, and promptly switched my shoes, ate, and got ready for the last big leg, but before that, I needed to take a bathroom break, so Kris and I got to the port-o-potties and after I did my business, we looked to see where the runners were going and saw headlamps going a certain direction, and so I went off on leg 6.  At a certain point, I wasn't sure what direction to go, and after asking someone whether I was going the right way or not, they assured me that I was to go up a mountain, which was good, because I knew I was suppose to be climbing a mountain and away I went!  The mountain was steep so because I needed to save my energy, I walked up slowly, not passing anybody for a mile and a half, and then there was an arrow that pointed to turn right and I looked carefully because I couldn't believe what I saw... it said that I was on leg 7.  I messed up.  At that instant, I was frustrated, exhausted, helpless, and hopeless.  I didn't know what to do, so I turned around and started trudging down the mountain I had just climbed.  I turned on my phone to text the crew to let them know of the mess up, but as I turned it on, two messages from Maddie and Kim arrived, asking me how the race was.  At that point, a small flicker of hope came back on, and very carefully, I nurtured that flame all the way down to the TA.  The crew looked up at me in horror as I arrived from the wrong side, and they were instantly very encouraging and motivating, getting me the things I needed, and doing their best to bring me back to a good place... but the damage was done.  I was going for a comeback, but with an hour and a bit lost, I wasn't going to do as well as I hoped... but I had enough in me to say that no matter what, I was going to finish the race.  Catherine gave me a hug as she led me to the correct path, and I trudged along, consumed with the burden, trying to rekindle that little bit of hope I had within me.  It was a long trip up.  I met Jacques who was a relay runner that was doing two legs and he needed the walk too, and so he and I both went up, slowly but surely all the way to the CP.  It took us hours to get there, but after getting there, my mental stamina was depleted and I was taken to the tent, where I battled with the demons within and fought my urge to vomit... but to of no avail.  I became weaker with that, but when the volunteers up there started talking about me dropping out, one last cry came from me.  I said no.  I said that I would not give up, that despite how I felt, that no matter what, I did not come here to start a race, I came to finish, and so with renewed vigor, I continued.  I stayed at the CP for 1.5 hours, but I was ready to go.  I pushed myself as I kept up with a few relay individuals who were very encouraging, and got me to the summit, but as they were going down, I grew weak and allowed them to go ahead of me, and I trudged along alone in the darkness, battling the negativity and doubts that were etched into my head.  People continued to pass me, and I kept encouraging them, but the mental damage to myself weighed heavy on my mind and I could not bring myself to continue.  I was weak from not being able to eat anything since the CP, but I started to drink, and little by little got myself back to physically being better.  I made it to the next CP where I was encouraged yet again by the volunteers, and I continued on my path, just a little faster, just a little stronger.  Troy, who wasn't doing too well himself, had caught up and passed me and both he and the lady he was with encouraged me and so after my little pity party, I decided that I would see what I could do, and I started running.  I only ran for 2 minutes til I ran out of juice, but that was enough.  That gave me a little hope.  As I went to the last CP, I ate a fruit cup, and hibernated for 5 minutes.  During that time, a few people passed me, and I felt bad again, but after making myself rise back up, I decided that I would start racing, that I promised I would do my best, and I would DO my best.  Instead of coming in just under 30 hours, I would finish as fast as I was capable of going.  I slowly built up my speed and ran every downhill and straightaways muttering, "I'm a beast, I'm a monster" over and over, and gradually picked people off... I was coming back.  Daylight had come and my body was starting to feel awake.  This was the feeling I wanted, and I kept up the pace, going faster and faster all the way to the TA.  I finished the leg in 10:33:47.4, the slowest time recorded on that leg out of all the finishers, 5 hours behind my C goal, but I was back and ready to rock the next and final leg.

Leg 7:  6.65 miles

Dwight was there waiting for me, and I quickly changed shoes, and got myself ready for the last assault.  I had two goals.  To get under 27 hours, and to pass as many people as I could and not get passed.  There were a few people I knew that were ahead of me, and I was hungry to catch them and see how far I could go.  As soon as I got changed and ready to go, I ran down to the bottom of the mountain that I climbed before, and caught one runner.  I climbed the mountain, seeing a group of about 3 ahead of me, and at the summit, I started running like a madman, ready to catch as many as I could, and I did just that.  I caught those three soon after, and continued on my crazed run, seeing more ahead of me, and I passed 4 more, pushing on and going down.  I arrived at the CP and asked if there was anyone ahead of me that I could catch, and they told me that there was one but he was 9 minutes ahead of me and I thought, "I don't know if I can catch him... but there's only one way to find out." and away I went.  Running hard, my right hamstring had bugged me (old soccer injury), and so I changed my running form slightly, using my right calf more, and continued the assault on the mystery runner.  I didn't know how fast he was going, but I knew that I would be going faster, and so continued all the way out of the trails to the road, and from there, I continued without stopping, because the road is my home, and I told myself I would not stop until the finish line, and away I went.  I came close to the finish line, and sprinted hard all the way to the finish, finishing the run at 1:35:50.3, the 4th fastest time for that leg, with my final finish time at 26:52:45.

Overall, I enjoyed the race.  Sure, I was frustrated with the unfortunate circumstances and me allowing myself to be burdened by that, but the victory that came in overcoming the pain was sweet.  Without my friends from home, Catherine, Kris, and Dwight (the support crew), the other runners in the race, Brian Gallant (who was one of the best RDs ever!  Amazing race, really!), Dennene, and many other people, I would have not been able to have this experience.  Though there were dark times, this last picture pretty much sums up the whole race.  Out of 183 who signed up, only 52 made it to the finish line (28% finish) and I was 19th place overall, 15th male.  It was a fun race, and I am very happy with every event that occurred, and all the friends I've made during that journey.