I just realized that today was Monday. This means that I have a whole Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday before my race begins on Saturday... 4 days... I didn't realize how close it was. Because of my tapering period, I haven't been running lately, but my body has been itching to go for so long, and so tomorrow morning, I plan on going out for a nice and easy run. Wednesday, I'll just not do anything... and Thursday, I'll just play an indoor soccer game... and Friday, I'll just be a bum and eat a lot of food.
I'm scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared because I don't know what's going to happen. This is something I've never done before, and I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. Tapering always does that for me because during the break I get from running, I feel as if I hadn't had enough exercise to push me through the whole 12 hours. Looking at the race I ran in October of last year, I feel as if this training period hasn't been good enough.
This is what my mind is telling me as I do what I know is right. My body is not conditioned good enough to NOT do the tapering, and so the decision I made to hold off my running is the best thing for me to do. While the decision I made is the best choice for me physically, it's taking its toll psychologically. I feel the pressure of not running, and I feel as if I'm getting out of shape because of what I've been doing. I look at the mileage I've measured on my iPhone, and it doesn't look too good. I feel as if my training has been inadequate. Obviously, I've been juggling two jobs, and a lot of other responsibilities, but at the same time, it shouldn't be an excuse for me not to run as much. As I look at what I've been doing this past month, I see just a little bit of running, a lot of cycling, and other exercise that compliments my running. The question that runs in my mind is... is that enough?
Fear can hinder me and just cause me to freeze up and not be able to do anything... but at the same time, fear can drive people forward. It doesn't matter if I exercised enough or not. This race is something that's going to test more than my body. It'll test my spirit. It'll test my mind. Focusing on just the physical training... I probably won't go too far. However, with the combination of my physical self, my spirit, and my intelligence, this race is something that I can overcome. Through all the experiences I have before me, I know for a fact that my spirit is more than capable. My training thus far has taught me how to run, and so my physical self isn't half bad. Although I am no doctor, I've been doing a little research on how I'm going to run this race and how everything is going to fall. I've carefully thought up of a plan that would push me through what my body could not do alone.
When I go rock climbing, we use rope to hold us up in case we fall. In order to catch us, the rope needs to be strong. A rope is made up of fibers that are twisted/braided together in order to be able to withstand a lot of pressure. The strength of each of the fibers braided together forms an even stronger rope, able to carry more weight and strain than with a single fiber. What happens is that the strands support each other so that absolutely nothing is wasted, all three strands help each other with the effort... the same as my run. This run is just one run, but it has many components to it. I've trained not only my physical body, but my spirit and mind so that I would be able to tackle this. Knowing that I could always do better in one part doesn't make the whole result wasted. The thing is, because I've been able to focus on everything, I'm able to accomplish more. The three will stand together and together, they'll make sure that I would do a great job with my race.
Everything matters when you race long distance, and the longer the distance, the more variables apply. This race that's coming up. I'm going to nail it.