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Tuesday, October 30, 2012

How Bad Do You Want It

How bad do you want it?  How much are you putting in towards succeeding?  What are you giving in order to achieve your goal?  Lately, I've been kind of down because of my injury, a little scared about what's to come, and even thought about giving up on that 200 mile relay race that I was going to participate with 11 other people.  I have less than 2 weeks and I already had thoughts of giving up.  My knee yesterday couldn't even handle a 4 mile run, so how could I handle a leg that had 18 total miles?  It seems impossible for me to get to that point, to run that far without hurting myself even worse... and letting my team down.

Since my 50 mile race... or even a couple weeks before the race... I've lost a little bit of the drive that I had towards my goal of becoming a world class athlete in the long distance running world.  I've lost the will to go forward as far, and my words became more or less just words and nothing beyond them...  I realize this now because I just reflected on my attitude and my commitment towards my goal and saw that it had considerably dropped.  I was doing my blogs and working on my website, but I chose not to focus on my goals of being an elite level athlete.

Now that I've reflected on where I was and where I am now and what my goals are, I've come to the conclusion that I have not wanted it as badly as I meant.  When you want something so badly but do nothing in order to get what you want... do you truly want it? or do you instead just wish it?

If you want it so badly, you would do anything you can to get your hands on it.  The only thing in your head ought to be that one thing... if you really do want it.  Looking back at my goals, I've seen that I haven't wanted it as badly as I thought I did, and so I am needing to make sure that I get to that point... the point where I want it so badly that that's the only thing I am thinking about (in a healthy way, of course).  I shouldn't be complaining because of the lack of sleep, or because of cold weather, I need to do what I can in order to get to the place I need to be... to work on myself and grow as much as possible.

How bad do I want it?  Real bad.  How bad?  Bad enough that I'm making sure that I train properly and get first place in the Covenant Health Knoxville Marathon.  It's going to be tough, seeing that I've gotten myself used to the slow and easy pace of running 50 milers... but I figure that I've given myself enough time to continue to grow and train myself to running that race... which is in a little over 5 months.  I'm going to need to train like none other, but it's going to be my step... the next step towards where I need to be... to win this race.  Dedication will show me how much I really want it... I watched this youtube video that talked about how bad do you want to succeed, and it said that when you want it as badly as you want to breath when you're drowning... that's when you know you really do want it.  If you want it, you'll work your butt off and reach for that.

(today, I ran 2 miles out in 15:58, a 7:59 min/mile pace, and took a little break, then ran 2.1 miles in 15:35, a 7:25 min/mile pace.  The taping that I did on my knee was very helpful and allowed me to continue to run without pain, although it was slightly difficult because it slightly impended my movement.  I'm hoping that as my muscle grows stronger, I would be able to get out of this and train myself to be able to get back to running like I'm used to... can't wait to start training for that marathon.)

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